I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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