I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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