I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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