I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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