I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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