Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
