I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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