So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
