Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
