HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
