I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
