At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
