I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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