I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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