I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
