i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
