TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
