All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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