i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
