Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sobbing to NWA
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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