Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
