Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
