Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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