Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself