If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hello my rib-scented angel!