alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.