I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
