i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?