if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
you win again, gameday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.