Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
