if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"