Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night