you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
