My first STD was from a foam party
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize