Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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