I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
