bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
