you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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