I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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