Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this beer tastes like vomit already
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
