I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
