I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My hand turned me down
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
