I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
