I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
