Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
