If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
