it was like his penis was on wheels.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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