she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
