wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
