Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
