he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
