Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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