Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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