OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you inspire me to be a worse person
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
