Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
