my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
