Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize