okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
