Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
