So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
