The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
