ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My bed smells like the plague
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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