6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
