so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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