the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
