Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
