worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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