508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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