it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love you.
Bad choice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
