there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
