The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
