I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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