giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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