why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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