So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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