areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to sanitize my soul.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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