Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
